Listening is Such a Simple Act

courtesy of www.taminprogress.com

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and all you can think about is how you want to respond to something they just said? We all do it, some of us more than others. 

Stephen Covey’s quote hits the nail on the head, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." 

We spend so much time thinking about our responses, that we forget to be present and just listen.

I Know the Answer… What’s the Question?

My family is a group of loud, boisterous and animated talkers. 

One Christmas Eve we were spending time with some family friends and honestly, I don’t really remember what the discussion was, but in no time it was at fever pitch and with every sip of wine, things got louder and louder; wine is a great conductor for loud conversations. 

We were all talking so loud, and all over one another that nothing could be heard. 

So at the peak of the conversation, where it couldn't get any louder, someone yelled out “I know the answer… wait, what’s the question?” At that moment we all started laughing and realized we weren't listening to one another at all.  

Communication is More Than What You Want to Say

Really great communication occurs when people are talking and listening to each other. The challenge with most communication today is more often than not, it is just one way-- a lot of talking and very little listening. In so many of the conversations I see people spend their time trying to prove their position and less time engaged in what others are saying. 

It’s like we are so focused on swaying people toward our point-of-view.

Communication is speaking, but more importantly it’s listening. The best communicators in the world say very little and listen a lot. 

The way we create better work environments, communities and overall relationships is by abandoning the idea that we have to convince the world that we are right. If we fully engage and really listen we give ourselves a greater opportunity to be enlightened, to be educated, and gain better perspective.

How to Be a Better Listener

Listening, not just hearing, takes work. Here are a few tips on how you can improve your listening skills.

1. Make Eye Contact – show the speaker that you are paying attention and interested in what they are saying
2. Stop Formulating Your Rebuttal—if you are spending your time thinking about your response, then you aren't listening
3. Paraphrase– when you paraphrase or ask questions, it tells the speaker that you are engaged. Be sure to wait for natural pauses before asking your question or clarifying what’s been said
4. Don’t Interrupt – if you are talking, then you aren't listening

“Listening is such a simple act. It requires us to be present, and that takes practice, but we don't have to do anything else. We don't have to advise, or coach, or sound wise. We just have to be willing to sit there and listen.” - Margaret J. Wheatley